Suffering from BFRBs can sometimes feel very isolating. Family and friends sometimes don’t understand why we do this to ourselves and why we don’t just stop picking, pulling, or biting. In these situations, please remember that you are not alone!
For me, the realization that I wasn’t alone with BFRBs came in layers.
First, I found out that BFRBs existed at all. Finally, I knew that skin picking, nail-biting, and cheek biting were serious problems, not just bad habits.
And then I found out on social media that I wasn’t alone with my struggle. I read other people’s stories and saw myself – “That’s me!”, “My skin looks the same!”, “I do the same!”
Looking at pictures of other people struggling with BFRBs opened my eyes. For so many years, I thought I was alone with this problem.
I am so grateful to have finally found people with whom I can exchange experiences and tips. People who understand how I feel and know what I am going through because they have the same or similar struggle to some extent.
Support groups and inspiring social media accounts
Here are just a few social media accounts where you can find information, courage, support, motivation, positive attitude, advice, inspiration, and where you can connect with people.
The BFRB thumb guard was the first fidget tool I bought to better cope with skin picking – especially at my fingers. The thumb guard is also a good helper for trichotillomania.
I noticed that when I’m not using my hands, my fingers are busy wandering around creating new skin to pick. Before I even know it, I tore off a cuticle or did more damage by “fixing” the tiniest bumps on my arms.
The thumbs are the main troublemakers. They can touch each finger, the middle finger and pointer tend to dig into the thumb, and we all know how bad the index finger+thumb combination can be for blemishes and hair.
Feeling leads to picking, pulling and biting.
So, it seemed like a good solution to put my main problem finger out of action by wearing a BFRB thumb guard. And it is was! I got mine from ThumbSnuggler.
What I love about the ThumbSnuggler BFRB thumb guard:
I love that it’s handmade and that glass beads are knitted into the thumb guard. I knew my nervous fingers would respond very well to the beads.
The thumb guard can be put on very quickly, creating an immediate barrier
My thumb is unable to act, so I can’t feel any hangnails or rough edges. And I can’t use my thumb and index finger to pick blemishes
The beats are great sensory fidgets that keep my fingers busy
I keep the BFRB thumb guard in my living room-BFRB toolkit and use it mainly when watching TV, reading, or drawing. Working on the keyboard probably works great too.
Do you track your BFRB habits? Tracking them is key for getting them under control and, hopefully, even curing your dermatillomania, trichotillomania, nail or cheek biting over time.
How many times have you picked, pulled, or scratched without even realizing it? How many times have you yelled at yourself to stop but couldn’t?
I think we all have been there. We pick our skin or pull our hair because this is our coping mechanism for trauma, stressful times, anxiety-induced situations, procrastination, or boredom.
BFRBs are ingrained habits that often happen automatically. The most important thing is to cultivate awareness of the patterns and disrupt them before responding to the triggers. Because, as you maybe know, once you give in to the urge, the downward spiral is pretty much unavoidable.
How to track your BFRB habits
By tracking your BFRB habits, you will become aware of when, where, and even why you pick your skin, bite your nails or pull your hair. You will better understand your triggers and feelings that call for relief through your BFRBs.
So every time you’ve had a relapse, make a note of the following:
Date & Time
Place: e.g., bathroom, car, work desk, doctors waiting room
Situation: e.g., while grooming, in a meeting, in front of the mirror, studying, working, driving, reading, watching TV, …
Thoughts & Feelings: What did you think and feel while you “zoned out.” What was the sensation you got from picking or pulling?
By tracking my body-focused repetitive behaviors, I was able to eliminate some “lighter triggers,” such as when watching TV, reading, or talking on the phone.
Seeing the positives of BFRB relapses by tracking them
I know, I know. How on earth can BFRB relapses be positive, right? I used to feel so angry, defeated, and hopeless after an episode of picking or biting. Sometimes I still am when I see the damage I’ve done.
However, ever since I’m tracking my BFRB habits, I see setbacks as an opportunity to optimize my coping strategy.
Also, the more I am aware of my body-focused repetitive behaviors, the more I become aware of the triggers. And knowing the triggers is quite empowering because I learn a lot about myself.
It might sound weird, but I feel like my nervous system is talking to me through my BFRBs? As if the scars, fresh wounds, or flaky fingers were to alert me to take better care of myself and my mental health. But that’s the topic for another post 💛
Give it a try and track your BFRB habits. I hope it gives you some insights!
This is a screenshot of the SkinPick App that I use to track my BFRB habits.
Some of my favorite skin picking barriers are wearing finger protectors or taping the fingers. Unfortunately, those interventions sometimes are just not enough of a barrier. At times like these, I wear cotton gloves.
Wearing the gloves is very effective because you just can’t pick your skin, bite your nails or even pull your hair while wearing them. Another advantage is that I don’t see my fingers if they are in a rough shape from picking my fingers.
The cotton glove method works best when reading, watching TV, or even working at the computer – yes, typing on the keyboard works surprisingly well too! Most of the time I only wear one glove. That way, I have a free hand without restrictions to use the computer mouse … or to snack 😉
The cotton gloves should fit snugly around your hand, otherwise they may distract or get in the way. To make the gloves tighter, I tie a knot at the bottom. See the picture below.
You can get cotton gloves in different sizes at a conventional drug store for pretty cheap.
If you buy cotton gloves, but they are unusable for your BFRBs, you can always use them to moisten your hands. Just apply a lotion or hand repair cream and wear the gloves for a few hours or overnight. Check out these tips for super soft hands.
Or do both – healing your BFRB ridden skin while creating a barrier for skin picking, nail-biting, and hair-pulling!
Make the cotton gloves tighter by tying a knot at the bottom.
This coping card is a friendly reminder to be more compassionate with yourself. To give you the same love that you give to other people.
I used to have very strong negative self-talk, especially after picking episodes. I was mad at myself for not having enough willpower to stop picking. Furthermore, I told myself that it was my fault that my skin is so damaged and that I was weak for not having my anxiety under control.
Sometimes I even purposely picked and scratched my skin in revenge for my ineptitude. According to the motto: since one arm is fu*%ed up, let’s continue with the other one and, on and on.
The thing is, I would never speak like this to a friend who has a similar problem. Why don’t I show myself more love?
Stop the negative self-talk by looking for the positive
Harmful self-talk fuels negative emotions and thus the intensity of the picking. To break out of the toxic state of mind, I listen inward and try to find out where my thoughts and feelings are coming from. Doing that gives me a better understanding of myself and my BFRBs.
I ask myself if my thoughts are valid, or is my mind convincing me of something that isn’t really true? Then, I actively refute and replace negative thinking with more rational and balanced thoughts.
For example, despite having setbacks, I tell myself to be proud of the progress I’ve made. Or instead of feeling shameful for my skin, I want to be grateful for it. I know it’s hard to love the skin with all the blemishes, scabs, and scars. However, it is easier to help and support the skin to heal when you are optimistic about it.
I invite you to examine your thoughts and become aware of your anxiety and stress factors. Try to find ways to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and have some quality “Me Time”: go for a walk, take some mindful breaks, exercise, take a nap or celebrate your skincare routine. Yes, you deserve it!
To sum it up, reducing stress and anxiety is key to getting the picking under control. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. On the contrary, be more compassionate with yourself because that will help you better fight your BFRB.
With each setback, you gain more knowledge, which in turn is an opportunity to move forward and heal. Don’t give up and keep trying – perseverance will lead you to your goal!
