Tag: Nail Biting

Nail-biting, also known as Onychophagia, is an oral compulsive habit of biting one’s fingernails. Nail-biting is very common, especially among children. 25–30% of kids bite nails. Many people who begin biting their nails as children eventually outgrow the habit. For others, it becomes a lifelong habit that can be extremely difficult to quit. Welcome to the world of BFRB!

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BFRB Tips

The Role of Emotions in BFRBs

Illustration of a candle with a label saying: All the feels

Emotions are communicators and play a big role in Body-focused Repetitive Behaviors. Even if we are not always aware of our feelings, they strongly influence our picking, pulling, and biting behavior.

It’s essential to be in tune with our emotions when an urge occurs to help recognize what may have triggered it.

Anxiety, stress, and nervousness are the most common feelings associated with BFRBs.

But our emotions are much more than that. We even engage in our BFRB when we seem to be feeling just fine. Therefore, becoming aware of our feelings and their reasons is crucial for BFRB recovery.

Put emotions into words to better understand your BFRB

I didn’t have the vocabulary to name my feelings. In my family, there are two emotions: “I’m fine” and “not so fine.” It was an interesting experience to dig deeper to answer questions in therapy like “how did that make you feel” or “what are you feeling right now?”.

When we verbalize our feelings, our fears, worries, and pain become less intense. That’s why talking to a friend or therapist can make us feel better about getting the most out of our system.

See your BFRBs as inner alarms telling you to take a break, not take things too seriously, set boundaries, or focus on your mental health to heal and feel better. Jeez, sometimes I think my BFRBs know me better than I do!

all-the-feels-emotion-list

3 Ways to Track Emotions

Tracking our emotions is almost as important as logging the BFRBs themselves. This encourages us to reflect on why we feel a certain way, which can help us find a solution to prevent picking, pulling, or biting.

1.     Log Your Emotions Using a Mood Tracker App

At the beginning of my BFRB healing journey, I used Mood-Log (by Barry Langdon-Lassagne). It is an app where you can choose from many emotions and make notes. I tracked the overall summary of my feelings at the end of the day. This app has helped me name my emotions and look for patterns in how my moods changeover time based on different situations and circumstances.

Emotion tracker app

2.     Simultaneously log your emotions and BFRB

As mentioned above, emotions and BFRBs are closely intertwined. And because logging both is super helpful for my BFRB recovery, I created the BFRB Awareness Journal. Now I have this one place where I can put my emotions into words and analyze the situation that triggered my BFRB.

3.     Journal Speak

Set a timer for 10–20 minutes, and just vent by writing whatever comes to mind. I like to delete what I’ve written after the timer runs out. Shredding the paper or permanently deleting the file makes me feel safer and freer to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I learned this super helpful technique on the podcast The Cure for Chronic Pain.

Fact:

Feelings, thoughts, and urges won’t last forever. They come and go like the clouds in the sky. So try to locate your emotions in your body and stay with them until they go away. I know this can be difficult but becoming aware of and accepting them makes this process more manageable over time.

Do you track your emotions or your BFRBs? Let me know in the comments below!

Sending you much love, 
Anja

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BFRB Tips

Take BFRB Progress Photos

Illustration of two polaroid pictures with "take BFRB Progress Photos" written on them

Taking progress photos of your BFRBs can help you stay on track, reduce negative self-talk or motivate you to achieve goals. 

It never occurred to me to take pictures of my ragged fingers and skin, which I’m ashamed of. If anything, I used to edit the spots. 

But seeing other people’s photos of their BFRB struggles on social media encouraged me to capture my healing journey with its ups and downs.

I photograph the best and worst conditions of my BFRB-prone areas and collect my progress photos in two separate entries in my Notes app.

The BFRB setback jar and BFRB praise jar

The setback images help me as a BFRB coping reminder that I no longer want to be in this condition. When I took these pictures, I was in pain and unhappy with the way my skin looked. I felt defeated, ashamed and weak in these moments. 

On the other hand, every time I took the “success” pictures, I felt proud, confident, and happy. Sometimes I even have to pinch myself (in a non-BFRB way) because I can’t believe that the hands I’m looking at are mine!

Document your BFRB healing journey with progress photos

I find the positive pictures more helpful for my BFRB healing journey. When I experience setbacks, and I’m like, “this is my reality; I’ll never have nice nails anyway,” I’ll look at my BFRB praise jar folder and know I can get my fingers and skin to look like this again. 

Being on a BFRB healing journey can be daunting because setbacks are part of it, and at times it can feel like you’re not making any progress at all. This is where the BFRB progress photos come in handy.

When I look back on my journey, I see that the damage I am currently doing is not as severe as it used to be or that the “good times” are occurring more frequently. It’s important to stop and look back every now and then to see how far you’ve come. Your future self will be grateful that you didn’t give up and kept going.  

How about you? Do you take BFRB progress photos? What helps you better, the positive or the negative ones?

BFRB Praise Jar
BFRB progress photos
Setbacks
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Coping Cards

Progress Over Perfection

handlettering saying: progress over perfection

We who live with body-focused repetitive behaviors are often overthinkers and tend to be perfectionists. We easily discount our healing progress when we have setbacks.

What does it even mean to have a setback? Don’t get hung up on “I have to stop picking/biting/pulling completely, or it doesn’t count.”

Our BFRBs serve a purpose. We pull, bite, and pick to soothe ourselves and regulate our nervous system. We cannot “just stop” our behavior. 

That’s why it is crucial to celebrate small successes and recognize the progress in our BFRB healing. So, be proud if you picked only three spots instead of eight, pulled only four hairs instead of ten, or generally didn’t do as much damage as usual.

As perfectionists, we must learn to accept perceived imperfect skin and crooked hair. We have this unrealistic airbrushed image of us in our heads. But at the end of the day, nobody’s skin or hair is perfect. We are human; we’re “flawed,” and this is good! Imagine how boring the world would be otherwise!

So, take the pressure off yourself, define BFRB recovery through mini-goals, and ditch the all-or-nothing thinking. Even if you sometimes think you’re not making any progress, take a closer look—inward … not in the mirror or something, because that can be dangerous, as we know 😉

You make progress with every new attempt, coping technique, and self-help book. Every time you “fail,” you learn something new about yourself. And the more you know about yourself and your triggers, the easier it will be to prevent certain situations and control your BFRB.

Trust the progress and remember that healing is not linear!

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BFRB Tips

The Nail Polish Guide for When You Pick Your Skin

illustration of fingers with different nail polish

Have you ever applied nail polish and been shocked at how the picked skin around your fingernails suddenly looked redder and rougher? If yes, this blog post is for you. If you want to learn how to choose the right color for your skin tone in general, this post is for you too!

Like many of you who struggle with nail-biting, I use colored nail polish to make biting less tempting. Also, there is something about a fresh manicure that we don’t want to ruin, am I right? 

But somehow, with certain colors—like bluish-gray or a nude tone—my sore skin from skin picking was more visible than usual. 

Then one day, I stumbled across a Brad Modo video about finding the right hair color for your skin tone. The essence of the video is:

If you have a warm skin tone, stick with warm colors; if you have a cool skin tone, stick with the cool. 

So, if you struggle with dermatillomania like me, your fingers are probably a little red and sometimes even bleeding. Therefore, nail polishes with warm tones are a better choice.

This rule of thumb applies to styling in general, but I never thought about this as I’m not very adventurous with colors in my wardrobe!

How to find out if your skin tone is warm or cool

There are a few tricks to figuring out if you have a warm or cool skin tone. To conduct the tests, look at your skin under natural light, as artificial light can change the appearance of your skin tone.

Vein Test

What color are your veins?

Blue or purple = cool skin
Green or olive = warm skin
Blue or green = neutral skin

Jewelry Test

Does gold or silver jewelry look better on you? 

Gold jewelry = warm
Silver jewelry = cool skin
Both colors look great on you = neutral skin 

Sun Test

Do you tan easily?

Do you tan easily, no redness, golden color = warm 
Do you burn easily and turn red = cool

Eye Color Test

What color are your eyes?

Blue/grey/green/deep brown = cool
Brown/hazel/honey = warm
A mixture of colors = neutral

Paper Test

Hold a white paper next to your face and look in the mirror.

Does your face look:
Yellow = warm
Pink/rosy/bluish-red = cool
Both = neutral 

I hope you find this little excursion into color theory helpful! Maybe a good nail polish color distracts from not only nail-biting but also visually covers up the damage caused by skin picking—until you get a better handle on your dermatillomania 😉

Extra tip for nail-biting and skin picking:

Keep your nails trimmed short. Having less nail provides less to bite and is less tempting. Some swear by acrylic nails, and others find bitter-tasting no-bite nail polish helpful. Do mini manicures at least once a day. Scan your fingers for hangnails and trim them with a tool–don’t rip them off! 

Categories
Coping Cards

Do Not Look. Do Not Touch.

hand lettering saying: do not look do not touch

BFRB Coping Reminder for all BFRBs: Do not look. Do not touch.

We are often triggered by the look and touch of imperfect, rough, textured, uneven skin or hair.

This is a friendly reminder not to let your fingers and eyes (or tongue if you bite your cheeks) wander around mindlessly, as this will trigger and increase the urge to pull, pick and bite.

Whenever I lean in the mirror, check my nails while doing yoga, or feel my arms and general skin during a “thinking pause” at work, I try to use this coping statement to free myself from this behavior before the urge to take action arises.

To hide the damaged skin on my fingers I like to use the gel finger covers until the skin is healed.

For my face, I often use hydrocolloid bandages which I can leave on for several days. There will be no scabs and after three days or so the wounds are not as triggering anymore.

I send you coping energy, Anja 💙