Tag: Nail Biting

Nail-biting, also known as Onychophagia, is an oral compulsive habit of biting one’s fingernails. Nail-biting is very common, especially among children. 25–30% of kids bite nails. Many people who begin biting their nails as children eventually outgrow the habit. For others, it becomes a lifelong habit that can be extremely difficult to quit. Welcome to the world of BFRB!

Categories
Coping Cards

I Owe Myself the Same Love I Give to Other People

Illustration of the coping card: I owe myself the same love I give to other people

This coping card is a friendly reminder to be more compassionate with yourself. To give you the same love that you give to other people. 

I used to have very strong negative self-talk, especially after picking episodes. I was mad at myself for not having enough willpower to stop picking. Furthermore, I told myself that it was my fault that my skin is so damaged and that I was weak for not having my anxiety under control. 

Sometimes I even purposely picked and scratched my skin in revenge for my ineptitude. According to the motto: since one arm is fu*%ed up, let’s continue with the other one and, on and on. 

The thing is, I would never speak like this to a friend who has a similar problem. Why don’t I show myself more love?

Stop the negative self-talk by looking for the positive

Harmful self-talk fuels negative emotions and thus the intensity of the picking. To break out of the toxic state of mind, I listen inward and try to find out where my thoughts and feelings are coming from. Doing that gives me a better understanding of myself and my BFRBs. 

I ask myself if my thoughts are valid, or is my mind convincing me of something that isn’t really true? Then, I actively refute and replace negative thinking with more rational and balanced thoughts.

For example, despite having setbacks, I tell myself to be proud of the progress I’ve made. Or instead of feeling shameful for my skin, I want to be grateful for it. I know it’s hard to love the skin with all the blemishes, scabs, and scars. However, it is easier to help and support the skin to heal when you are optimistic about it.

I invite you to examine your thoughts and become aware of your anxiety and stress factors. Try to find ways to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and have some quality “Me Time”: go for a walk, take some mindful breaks, exercise, take a nap or celebrate your skincare routine. Yes, you deserve it!

To sum it up, reducing stress and anxiety is key to getting the picking under control. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. On the contrary, be more compassionate with yourself because that will help you better fight your BFRB.

With each setback, you gain more knowledge, which in turn is an opportunity to move forward and heal. Don’t give up and keep trying – perseverance will lead you to your goal! 

Sending you positive healing vibes 💙

Categories
BFRB Tips

This BFRB Self-help Book Is a Must-read

Illustration of the BFRB self-help book "Overcoming Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors"

When I discovered that skin picking, nail-biting, and cheek biting fall under the same umbrella called Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors, I was surprised but also kinda relieved.

Suddenly I had the feeling that I only had to fight one battle instead of three different ones.

After more than 20 years, I was finally able to get to the bottom of my behaviors and seek specific help. After some research, I found the book: “Overcoming Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors: A Comprehensive Behavioral Treatment for Hair Pulling and Skin Picking.”

The BFRB self-help book in a nutshell

This self-help book teaches how to improve BFRBs in three steps:

  1. Building awareness and recognizing patterns: Become aware of when and where your body-focused repetitive behaviors occur. What are the triggers – locations, experiences, feelings, things that cause your behaviors. 
  2. Planning and preparation: Find out what tips and tricks can help you with your BFRBs. Have a strategy when faced with triggers.
  3. Putting the plan in action: Use your custom plan and tricks to prevent the BFRB from happening.

An example of me using the three steps to prevent picking the fingers and nail-biting: 

Trigger: writing copy on my computer in a sitting position. 

Writing copy is super stressful for me. I get nervous, impatient, and distorted thoughts and self-doubt work against me. Plus, I overthink everything. You’re probably wondering why on earth am I writing this blog then. Yes, this BFRB Coping project is a massive challenge for me. But if I gave in to my anxiety, I wouldn’t achieve anything in my life. 

Now back to the implementation of the book’s guideline for nail-biting and picking my fingers:

  1. I’m aware that writing copy is nerve-wracking for me. My fingers keep moving over each other, checking for something to scratch and pick.
  2. I plan to use different tricks to prevent picking my fingers and biting my nails. I switch between BFRB tricks, but the most effective so far have been taping my finger, using the finger protector and the DIY fidget ring.
  3. On my desk, I have a box of all kinds of BFRB tools that are always ready to use. I’ll put the plan into action as soon as I sit down at my computer. If I plan to write copy or answer emails, I put on my BFRB gear beforehand – see picture below.

Examples of BFRB trigger situations

BFRBs are the result of stress, anxiety, or even boredom. Other trigger situations can be:

  • Looking in the mirror, especially in the bathroom
  • Watching TV
  • Driving or getting stuck in traffic
  • Thinking of a problem
  • Talking on the phone
  • Reading a book
  • Making decisions
  • Stress at work, at school 
  • Sometimes it’s not even possible to pinpoint a situation… 

What are your trigger situations and locations? Observe yourself and write down when, where and how your BFRBs take place. You might be surprised some of these were not known because your BFRBs are so automated.

The BFRB self-help book “Overcoming Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors” has much more detailed examples and better explanations. I can’t do the book justice with this post. 

I recommend reading this BFRB self-help book and trying the recommended three steps to a better life with BFRBs: awareness – planning – implementation.

This is my “working gear” 😉

Categories
BFRB Tips

Breathing Exercises to Calm Your BFRBs

Lettering saying: Take a deep breath

We rarely pay attention to how we breathe because it happens automatically without much thought. However, making breathing exercises conscious and integrating them into our everyday lives has many advantages. 

Deep breaths can help resist the BFRB urge until this feeling passes. It’s like a little mental reset to calm down and regain focus.

I pick and bite the most when I’m anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, or worried. When I feel this way, my breath becomes shallow, and I even subconsciously hold my breath or breathe irregularly. Not breathing properly intensifies my negative feelings and thus my BFRBs. 

If I catch myself biting or picking nervously – if possible – I remove myself from the situation and sit with my back straight or even lie down. I set the timer for five minutes and do a breathing exercise. 

After two or three minutes, I feel how my racing mind relaxes. I then have a clear head to see why and what made me so anxious. Then I can focus on the next steps. 

It doesn’t always have to be five minutes. Taking a few deep breaths while feeling tense could go a long way already. It’s a quick check-in with your thoughts and feelings. It helps to understand you and your BFRBs better. 

The next time you’re feeling anxious or stressed, try one of these breathing exercises:

Box breathing: A very simple breathing exercise is box breathing. I like to imagine circling a square while doing this exercise.

  1. Inhale for a count of four
  2. Hold your breath for a count of four
  3. Exhale for a count of four
  4. Hold your breath for four
  5. Continue the pattern

4-7-8 Breathing: The 4-7-8 breathing exercise is also called the relaxing breath because it helps to calm down the nervous system. While doing this exercise I focus on counting and my body instead of my thoughts.

  1. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
  2. Hold your breath for a count of seven.
  3. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
  4. Repeat the pattern

Affirmation breathing: This is one of my favorite breathing exercises when my mind is racing with negative self-talk. 

  1. Inhale and say a mental positive thought or focus word
  2. Exhale a mental negative thought or focus word
  3. Repeat the pattern. For example, inhale “I am capable”, exhale self-doubt or inhale “calmness”, exhale “stress”

Sometimes it can be difficult to follow through with breathing exercises on your own. If you need some guidance, try using a breathing or meditation app. Click here to see a list of breathing or meditation apps.

Extra Tip:

Put one hand on your heart and the other one on your belly. Feel your chest and stomach expand when you take a deep breath. That way you can divert the focus from the thoughts to the body. Alternatively, hold your hand in the “Adi Mudra” position to keep your hands still.

Happy calm breathing, Anja

Categories
Coping Cards

Focus On the Outcome You Want

Handlettering of the BFRB coping card saying: focus on the outcome

Every time I manage not to pick my skin for a while, I marvel at how beautiful it can be. Or when I have lovely long-ish fingernails without sores around my fingers, I wonder how on earth I ever could bite my nails and tear off hangnails – ouch!

Yes, that can be the case, especially when I’m on vacation. My BFRBs can be less powerful when I’m more relaxed and when I’m not worried too much.

Healing the wounds, I inflict on myself sometimes feels like forever. I know that squeezing and picking are ultimately counterproductive to healing. But that doesn’t help me resist because my body-focused repetitive behaviors are stronger.

During my struggle, I try to focus on the good times: when my freckles are the only spots on my face, when I don’t have to be ashamed of my fingers during a client meeting, or when I don’t have to put extra sunscreen on all the scabs one by one. 

Focusing on the outcome motivates me to resist my urge to pick my skin and bite my nails. At least a little bit and sometimes … 😌

Categories
BFRB Tips

Sensory DIY Fidget Ring to Keep Your Fingers Busy

Illustration of a hand playing with a DIY fidget ring

Ever since I’ve been on my BFRB healing journey, I’m always looking for something to help me with my urges. When I discovered this simple fidget ring trick, I couldn’t wait to share it with you. 🙂

I recently bought something that had this little metal chain for merchandising tags attached to it. I was immediately fascinated by the texture of the small metal balls.

To turn this little chain into a fidget ring, I removed a few links so the chain would wrap nicely around my fingers. I was super happy when I discovered that my restless fingers responded very well to this sensory substitute.

My fingers are always busy moving over each other or my face, looking/feeling for something bumpy or rough. Then I pick hangnails and scratch blemishes until they bleed. 

This impulsive habit often occurs out of my consciousness when doing desk work or simply reading a book in a comfortable position. My fingers are the most affected as I have had this behavior since I was eight years old.

Now I keep this little chain, also known as a fidget ring, near my keyboard. It might not be the most fashionable accessory, but it does its job and is super accessible, and doesn’t cost anything. 

So don’t throw these little chains away the next time you come across them. Transform them into super cheap fidget rings. Maybe you like the feeling of the metal balls as much as I do!